I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
sex in a hospital.. check
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
