Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
