If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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