He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
