i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
