Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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