My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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