Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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