now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
