Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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