Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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