They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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