It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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