I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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