I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
