Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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