dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
