so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
