This is not my ceiling
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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