I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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