the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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