i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
