i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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