my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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