Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
