You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
