Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
