note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
