I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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