bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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