he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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