He kissed a someone with a penis
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
