If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
