Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize