She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
