I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
