i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
