White coat. Heels.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
