yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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