we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
