Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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