I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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