I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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