Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
