how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I wear drunk well.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
