Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
