Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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