just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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