I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
