Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
