what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
