Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
