As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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