Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
