Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
