let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
