We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
