fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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