matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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