At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
