I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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