Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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