I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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