did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
