He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
