guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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