Acid is not a monday night drug
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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