im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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