it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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