I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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