the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
