WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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