She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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