We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
