God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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