please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can I color on your dick again?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
