she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
