i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I supernannyed him into submission
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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