i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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