he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
do herpes really smell.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
