We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
